On friday me and Gianna went over to my friend Becca and Alexs house for a cute girls night. Little did I know, I walked in on Becca and her "soon to be boyfriend" making out, SO awkward. But, at least i met him! Saturday was awful, I didn't leave the house once because of the snow until 5pm on sunday. I WAS STUCK INSIDE OF THE HOUSE OR 36 HOURS. When I went outside I was literally in a state of confusion, that's how long I was stuck inside of the house.
This week was okay. It wasn't any different then most weeks. Everyday after the gym I hungout with my friend Gianna. Tuesday my dad called me and told me to meet him at the gym, so I did. I got there and he made me do all of these things that I couldn't do to my full potential because I haven't been to the gym in God only knows how long. As I was doing squats on the bench bar, I could literally feel the muscles of my legs tearing. When I went home that night, I literally couldn't walk, and the next day it was ten times worse. Tuesday class was also canceled due to inclement weather. Thursday the eye doctors called me to tell me that my new glasses came in, which by the way I am in love with them!
On friday me and Gianna went over to my friend Becca and Alexs house for a cute girls night. Little did I know, I walked in on Becca and her "soon to be boyfriend" making out, SO awkward. But, at least i met him! Saturday was awful, I didn't leave the house once because of the snow until 5pm on sunday. I WAS STUCK INSIDE OF THE HOUSE OR 36 HOURS. When I went outside I was literally in a state of confusion, that's how long I was stuck inside of the house.
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* A telling sentence that I wrote in one of my previous writings is.... "I had a headache the entire week so I went to the doctors and got put on anti-biotics because I was diagnosed with a sinus infection."
One morning I woke up with a killer headache, and it never seemed it pass throughout the entire week. With my head throbbing like someone had stabbed me in my temples, I drug myself to the doctors. Once I stepped into the office, the fluorescent lights jabbed through my eyes and sent a shooting pain to the back of my head. When I saw the doctor, he told me I had a sinus infection and prescribed me horse like pilled called anti-biotics. This week was a lot different than most of my weeks. I had a headache the entire week so I went to the doctors and got put on anti-biotics because I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. Most of the week I laid in bed on my laptop googling New York apartments and expensive they are. Once my sinus' cleared up I had a wicked cough and did not feel like hanging out with anyone or leaving my bed. My friend Matt came over on Thursday when I was feeling a little bit better, we laid in bed and watched Netflix all night and ate Mexican take out. Friday rolls around and I still feel sick, so again.... I laid in bed and finished Gossip Girl, I cried my self to sleep. Saturday was valentines
a strange place! A place that I find strange would have to be Sound Garden Hall. This is a place where raves happen, I have never been into the whole rave scene. Although I do enjoy the music being played; the amount of people tripping on acid and rolling on molly really freaks me out.
Once you walk into Sound garden, all you see is flashing, colorful lights. It is abnormally hot inside of that place because everyone is dancing, and there has to be over at least 3,000 people in there. My mistake was going there sober(which I don't even do drugs to begin with), because it was probably the worst night of my life. Watching all these young teenagers act like hooligans and nodding out in the middle of the dance floor is not what I like to be seeing/doing on my Saturday night. As I stand there with my friend who is rolling face, me being sober, some kid from my high school walks up to me and says, "Hey would you like to make some money and sell this girl for me?" When he said that, I automatically knew he was talking about molly. From the time that happened, I wanted to leave. The feelings of being this uncomfortable actually made me feel light headed. I could feel the entire room spinning, I knew I was about to pass out. I wanted to leave but my friend didn't because she's used to coming to these type of "concerts". Once you leave the building you cannot reenter, so I went to wait outside in the freezing cold for about 3 hours. Sitting against the side of the building, I am watching these kids who are wearing hardly any clothes, wearing strange clothes and having these weird hats on their heads that look like animals and beaded bracelets going up their arms; some even covering their mouths. I was wearing leggings, vans and a leather jacket. I knew I didn't belong here, and I will never go back again. A familiar place!This room never changes to me. I always come here to find peace of mind and comfort, mainly at night time. As soon as I shut the lights out, I plug in the dim rainbow lights that hang around the boarder of my room. I open my laptop and go into my chill playlist on spotify and jam out while scrolling through my news-feed on tumblr. To me, I go to my bedroom for advice more than I go to my own friends or family.
I spend some much time in my room, weather it includes doing my hair, make up or sleeping. Then, it’s just a bedroom. But when nighttime hits this room becomes a part of me. Most nights, I stay awake crying, listening to sad music or stare up into the dark nightly room just thinking. It might sound weird to anybody else, but when i’m in deep thought thinking about something I need an answer to I can look around my room and my pink walls can almost answer those questions that bother my mind. My room has seen me at my worst, my best and my happiest. I feel comfortable in my room, it’s been with me through the break ups, it’s seen me being happy with my friends, also have done some things that aren’t approved of in my room. My room makes me feel a sense of comfort, calmness and serenity. It also shows a side of me that most people don’t know, me being messy and discombobulated. But I never feel that way when I am in my room. Well this week went a little differently than any normal week for me. For starters, I had two quizzes in sociology and guess who aced both?! ME! that’s not like me to ace a sociology quiz especially because i failed sociology twice already. In class we talked about ways to become a better writer and thank god we did because I need to learn ways real quick. Yeah, so then my mom made me a eye doctors appointment because I literally can’t see when im driving at night or trying to read the board when I’m taking notes and sitting in the back row; I got prescribed glasses. On thursday I had two job interviews. Which is rare, however both of them hadn’t called me back yet and it’s been basically a week which really ticks me off. Friday, I didn’t do much because I had a birthday party to go to on saturday and I knew that if I stayed up too late that I would be exhausted for the party or too hungover to even go. Saturday night was a shit show. It was my friends friends birthday and we all got completely wasted. One of my best friends got blacked out drunk (she never gets that drunk) and started crying (she never cries EVER, not drunk or sober). Needless to say, it was a horrible night. Fun, but horrible at the same time.
Between all of these writers, i am going to find out their beliefs to fundamentals of writing and how they feel about writing. I will be inviting Ray, Anne and Carolyn out to lunch at the at Panera Bread. Amber: Hey guys, thank you for joining me for lunch. Mind if I ask you a question? All 3: Not a problem. Amber: What do you guys believe are the fundamentals of writing and how do you feel about writing? Carolyn: Writing is like meditation or going into an ESP trance, or prayer. Like dreaming. You are tapping into your unconscious. Amber: What do you mean Carolyn? Carolyn: To be fully conscious and alert, with life banging and popping and cuckolding all around, you are not going to find your way to your subconscious, which is a place of complete submission. Complete submission Amber: You really have a point there Carolyn. How about you, Anne? Anne: Well first I try to breathe, because i'm either sitting there panting like a lapdog or i'm unintentionally making slow asthmatic death rattles. Amber: and then….. Anne: I let my mind wander and I finally notice the one inch picture frame that I put on my desk to remind me of short assignments. Amber: What did it tell you that you had to do? Anne: It reminds me that all I have to do is write down as much as I can see through a one inch picture frame. Amber: That doesn't sound so bad! See, you were stressing out about nothing…! Hey Carolyn, do you have anything to add to Anne’s comments? Carolyn: Typewriter with page 1,994 of novel screams from another room: I WANT YOU. Cuckoo clock coo coos six times. Amber: yes, yes, I know exactly what you mean. How do you feel about writing, Ray? Ray: Run fast, stand still. This is the lesson we learn from lizards. Amber: What do you mean by that Ray? Ray: In quickness is truth. The faster you blurt, the more swiftly you write, and the more honest you are. In hesitation is thought. Amber: Wow, I had never thought of it that way. Ray: You stumble into it, mostly. you don't know what you're doing, and suddenly, its done. Amber: Well, Thank you guys so much for coming out. I enjoyed hearing your different opinions. My week was pretty chill. Except for the fact that it was the first week of school, and my sleep pattern is all messed up so I was exhausted. I saw my ex that I haven’t seen since november with his new girlfriend about 4 or 5 times, that was pretty irritating. so once the weekend rolled around, friday night my friend had invited her friend over and he brought his friend. Needless to say, kid was a total weirdo. He would NOT leave me alone, and he was drunk so it made it ten times worse. The way he talked came off in such a creepy way and I wanted no parts. Then on saturday night I went to my first frat party, Do i need to explain how that went? I didn’t remember basically that entire night. Sunday I woke up dazed and confused as to what the hell happened the night before. I gave up on my hangover, and watched a full season of gossip girl. Mind you, an episode is 45 minutes and I watched 19 episodes….. Story of my life.
This is my absolute favorite song as of right now. The beat of this song is so catchy and up beat, it makes you want to just dance and not care about anything! But the lyrics sort of mean a whole new thing. This song is basically saying that you feel like your stuck in this negative place and you just want to get out but it seems like its impossible and that it will never happen. The singer is talking about wanting to feel weightless, basically numb to whatever is going to happen. He wants to just get out of this slump that he's in and just go out and have fun. This relates to me because I feel like i'm almost stuck in this world of work, school, work, school on repeat and I feel as though if I mess up in any type of way, I'm screwed. At this age I feel as though we shouldn't be worried and focus on these kind of things, we should be out having fun. We never really get a break because once we are finished highschool, it's right to college and getting a job to pay for college. Then after college, it's a career. You never get a break. So we basically are stuck in this. |
AmberI will be discovering things I did not know about myself. Archives
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